


Alone, then Not So Alone

by philsdrill



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Comfort, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, freinds to lovers, phanfic, phanfluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 21:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13726815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philsdrill/pseuds/philsdrill
Summary: It was one of their few nights in a hotel during TATINOF and Phil was alone and feeling a bit homesick. Eventually he gives in and makes a visit next door to Dan’s room, despite it being the middle of the night. Dan comforts his worries and invites him to stay with him for the night. A confession from Phil leads to a change in their relationship…





	Alone, then Not So Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on uploading my fics from tumblr to here, so if you happen to have seen it before, I posted this in April 2016 on there. Also if anyone's interested in following me on tumblr - I'm more active on there and there's more fics - you can find me at [philsdrill](https://philsdrill.tumblr.com).

Phil was alone. They’d just spent a number of nights in a row on their tourbus and now they were in a hotel. It was pleasant to spend the odd night here and there, not wearing earplugs and not feeling the engine of the bus underneath him. Phil had taken a shower and had now climbed into the large hotel bed. Those were two things which he felt were under-rated: comfortable beds and showers.

For a while, being alone was relaxing. Phil was able to have a bit of alone time, have a relaxing shower and get changed in his own space. He didn’t have several others in the same room as him, all attempting to co-exist in a tiny area. That had been his life for the last couple of weeks. With the tour bus came a lack of privacy, the most they could shut themselves off being the curtains at the sides of the bunks.

Constantly being in the company of others quickly became tiring for both Dan and Phil. The pair of them were quite introverted, preferring their own company to that of others. They had both been looking forward to this night in a hotel for most of the last week, time to be alone and recharge their batteries.

Now that Phil had the time to think, all he could think about was how much he just wanted to go home. Yes, he was loving the tour, but all the travelling was getting the better of him, all the driving was driving him crazy. In his head, he could picture his blue and green duvet, all alone in the dark, just like him. Phil shut his eyes and pulled the plain white duvet closer, trying to imagine he was at home, hoping that would help. It didn’t. All he could think about was how his houseplants were well overdue a water, how his belongings would be gathering dust. Had they left anything in the fridge? Would the place smell when they got home? Had he remembered to blow out the last scented candle he burned?

A sick feeling was building in his stomach and throat as he realised their house could burn down and they wouldn’t know. For a brief second he wondered if Dan would be worrying the same things, but Phil put aside that thought. He was probably sleeping, making the most of the time in a proper bed. He certainly hadn’t heard him moving around at the other side of the wall.

In that moment, Phil decided that he’d had enough of being alone. He’d learnt to rely on having others around him, having Dan almost permanently stuck to his side. He let slip a few tears, thankful for the fact no one was there to see his little breakdown, but also wishing he had someone to comfort him. The worry in his stomach wasn’t going anywhere and the more Phil cried, the more it built up.

Trying to think about anything else, anything, Phil looked around the room. The only thing that caught his eye was the clock. It was pretty late, or should he say early. He didn’t want to be tired in the morning; he wished his brain would just let him go to sleep. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut to try and stop more tears from escaping. He wanted to sleep, but at this rate he felt like he was going to be up all night.

Phil managed to stop his tears and ignore the feeling in his stomach for a few minutes. He burrowed his face into the pillows and shut his eyes, willing sleep to come. It didn’t. He felt hopeless. This was too much. A sudden feeling of anger pumped through his veins, anger at himself for being such a wreck. He needed someone, anyone; it was in moments like this that Phil wished he had a lover by his side.

Phil gave in and decided that he would go next door and wake Dan up. He felt bad doing it, but deep down he knew that Dan cared, even if he’d be losing some valuable sleep. Getting out of bed, he slid his feet into his slippers, his glasses onto his nose and grabbed two room cards from the bedside table: one for his room, the other the spare for Dan’s. They always kept each other’s spare keys, because it would be just like one of them to shut their key in their room.

There were more reasons than just that. At home, Dan would periodically come to Phil when he couldn’t sleep, generally the result of an existential crisis or an overwhelming urge to rant about something. They both liked the reassurance that they could get to the other if they needed someone to talk to, as neither of them had anyone else.

Every time Dan had come to Phil with a problem, he would remind Phil that if he ever needed it, he would return the favour. Tonight, Phil was going to take him up on the offer.

Letting the door to his room swing shut behind him, he walked the short distance along the corridor to Dan’s. Using the key for Dan’s room, he let himself in, shutting the door quietly so as not to wake him up before he was ready. Phil wandered over to beside Dan’s bed, taking in the sleeping figure who lay before him. For a second, he longingly glanced at Dan’s face. The guy didn’t realise how cute he was, or handsome, he was handsome too.

Dan looked so peaceful, and for a second Phil thought about turning back to his own room and pretending he had never come here in the first place. What stopped him was that he would be alone again. He couldn’t go back to that, not tonight.

“Dan,” Phil said, audibly, taking his two hands and shaking him gently.

He took a step back to see if that did the trick.

Dan let out a confused mumble and opened his eye, “Phil?”

“I can’t sleep,” Phil told him, “I’ve tried but I just really miss home and I keep worrying about the flat and…”

Phil stopped for a second, choking back a sob. Dan was now sitting up and looking at him with an expression of worry and pity.

“Phil c’mere,” Dan said, opening his arms and patting the spot on the bed beside him, “It’s alright. You’re just feeling a bit homesick.”

Phil readily took up Dan’s offer, sitting next to him on the bed and allowing his friend to hug him. Dan allowed him to cry for a minute or two, gently rubbing his back, before he asked Phil to talk about it.

“D’you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” Dan asked, his voice low, but soft and comforting.

“Don’t laugh,” Phil said timidly, “But do you remember if we put out all the candles?”

“Yes,” Dan told him,in a reassuring tone, “I double-checked before we left, as always. Is there anything else?”

“Not particularly. I just want to go home and I was just feeling really lonely,” Phil told him, still struggling to get the words out between sobs, “It was making me feel sick and I needed to talk to someone.”

“It’s alright, I’m here,” Dan told him, “I’m always here. Whenever you need someone to talk to, please come and find me.”

“Thanks,” Phil mumbled, sniffing slightly.

“We can’t go home yet, but you’re not alone, okay,” Dan reminded him, hugging him a little tighter.

Phil sniffed again and Dan found himself reaching for the tissue box which the hotel had conveniently placed next to the bed. He passed Phil a couple of tissues and loosened the embrace, letting him sort himself out. Phil blew his nose and dried his eyes, knowing he looked disgusting, but not caring because he felt comfortable around Dan.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” Dan asked him, “Do you want me to get you a drink or anything?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel quite so sick anymore. There was a moment when everything was just too much and you know how it feels when too many thoughts pile upon you at once,” Phil explained, “Oh, and some water would be good.”

Dan got up from the bed, telling Phil he would ‘be right back’ and went into the bathroom to get him a glass of water. As Dan filled the glass, he looked thoughtfully into the mirror. He was worried about Phil; rarely did he ever have breakdowns like this. The lack of sleep probably wasn’t helping - Phil had been feeling travelsick a number of nights on the bus and tonight wasn’t much of an improvement.

Dan knew Phil needed him, so he was going to invite him to stay for the night. He knew from personal experience and Phil’s earlier words that he wasn’t in a state to be left alone. Dan turned off the tap and returned to the room, sitting down back next to Phil on the bed.

“Here you go,” Dan told him, passing him the glass of water and wrapping an arm around him.

“Thanks,” Phil said, relaxing slightly into Dan’s side as he drank the water.

“I’m not really giving you a choice, but do you want to stay here for the rest of the night?” Dan asked him, “Basically, I think we both know you need some company.”

“Yeah, that would be great, thanks,” Phil replied, a small smile on his face, “I wasn’t really wanting to go back to my room.”

Dan pulled down the covers and laid back down, inviting Phil to lay down next to him. When Phil was settled he pulled the duvet back up over the pair of them. Dan shuffled a little closer to Phil and draped an arm over his side.

“Is this okay?” he asked Phil, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“Perfectly,” Phil replied, looking Dan in the eyes, “This might sound a bit weird but when I was alone in my room I kinda wished I, y’know, had a lover to give me a hug and whatever, but now I’m not so bothered. This is nice.”

Dan’s brain whirred in confusion. What was Phil saying? Was this some sort of confession? He decided to take a risk.

“Phil, this might sound a bit weird,” he started, “But I know what you mean. I feel comfortable around you and I don’t think anyone else could quite compare. Can… can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, Phil shuffled closer and pressed his lips to Dan’s, “Not if I do first.”

That moment would change their lives forever. Although neither of them were yet ready to say it, they realised that their love for each other was more than that almost brotherly friendship they’d had for years. A lot more. Dan waited to make sure Phil got to sleep before allowing himself to shut his eyes once more. As he lay there quietly, he wondered what the future would hold for them, even the next day. Would they become boyfriends? Would they get married one day? It was a lot to think about, but in that moment, Phil by his side, Dan was content.


End file.
